i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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