Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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