bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
