He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
