I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
