if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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