one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
