I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
