New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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