We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
