You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
