i don't like sucking hair
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well I just put wine in my tea
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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