trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
