guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
