he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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