I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
