You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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