I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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