just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
