You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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