i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
