I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
