I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
