I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
