If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
