if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i think my mom watched the whole time
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
