my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
