she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
