I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
