I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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