I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
