How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
