Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
