I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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