Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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