So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
