There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
