okay pat passed out under dana's car
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize