We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
