Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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