this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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