watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
