somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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