i was born a porn star she said
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
