This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I touched a dick in church today
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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