hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
