I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
