Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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