did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Randomize
