so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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