i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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