highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
