So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
