I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
