Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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