Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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