She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
