i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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