dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
