I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Can I color on your dick again?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
