he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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