U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How does one acquire holy water?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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