Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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