having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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