her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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