What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
