never play flip cup with pint glasses
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
