i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
