well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
