I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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