wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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