Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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