You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize