I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize