Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
