Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
