just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize