There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
