Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
that is very illegal...i love you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
