Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
