Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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