What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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