I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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