It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
