the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
