Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
