Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
