I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish you could order shots online.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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