he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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