so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
