Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
