yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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