we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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