There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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