Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
