Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
