nut hugger
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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