he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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