a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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