____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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