He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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