Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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