She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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