11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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